We Are Never Getting Back Together

Unless one of us is going broke and you'll pay us a ton of money

It was recently announced that Noel and Liam Gallagher, the two brothers behind the famed band Oasis, had finally squashed their decades-long beef and were going to reunite. This news set my Twitter feed on fire, nearly ever person that I follow excited by the thought of seeing the two snarky Brits on stage again. “Who,” I began to ponder, “could send the internet into a bigger tizzy over a reunion tour?” Seemed like a question some data could answer. As always, this newsletter is also available as a podcast. Listen on Spotify and Apple Podcasts or click play at the top of this page.

I Said … Reunite Me

Have you always wanted to hear “Sweet Home Alabama” live? Well, you’re in luck. Lynyrd Skynyrd is on tour! Kind of. The version of Lynyrd Skynyrd that is currently touring contains none of the members who played on “Sweet Home Alabama”. Every one of those musicians is dead. Should you buy tickets to see this tour, you’d mostly be listening to musicians who joined the band after 1999, decades after Skynyrd released their last classic.

This Lynyrd Skynyrd situation isn’t that unique. Last year, I wrote about how the slow evolution of classic band lineups has led to glorified cover bands claiming they are the real thing. Because of this, I knew I needed some ground rules when trying to identify which theoretical reunions would lead to Oasis-level fervor.

1. No Solo Artists Allowed: Is it really a reunion if only one person is involved?

2. Only the Living can Reunite: I don’t care that creepy holograms of dead musicians can now “go on tour.” Every member of the group must still be alive to be considered for this hypothetical reunion. Sorry, Pink Floyd and Led Zeppelin!

3. Reunions Require Sufficient Passage of Time: Is it really a reunion if the group has put out a new album or toured in the last five years?

4. One Member Returning is Not a Reunion: If a group has been active for years but has only replaced one core member, that member returning would not constitute a reunion for this exercise. Sorry, Journey!

With those rules in mind, I used various lists of artists on Wikipedia to collate 1,928 groups founded between 1957 and 2010. I then paired each group with their follower count and popularity score as per Spotify. Sorting by the latter and then the former, here are the musical groups whose reunions would create the biggest buzz.

This list made sense to me. Groups whose members currently have successful solo careers, like One Direction, would certainly have a big reunion tour. Groups who built massive fanbases while rarely going on the road, like Daft Punk, would have a big reunion tour too. The only group on this list that required me to do a bit more research was Plan B.

As of writing, Plan B is the 247th most popular artist on Spotify. Between 2002 and 2014, they put out three massively successful albums that helped redefine reggaeton. Given my lack of knowledge of that genre, I’m not shocked that they weren’t on my radar. Nevertheless, if you scroll through the comments on any of their music videos on YouTube, you will see that a lot of people would like them to get back together.

While I don’t know enough about Plan B to speculate on the likelihood of that happening, I couldn’t help but take a guess for the other groups that rounded out the top ten.

• One Direction: Barring a tragic death, I’d bet this happens at some point. Every member is still quite young and some seem to be on good terms.

• Daft Punk: I’d also guess that this happens. While each member of the duo is working on different projects, they remain friends and share a studio.

• Dire Straits: Nope. Frontman Mark Knopfler has shown no interest in reassembling the group since their dissolution in the 1990s.

• Outkast: I want to say yes given that both André 3000 and Big Boi have only just reached middle age, but the former seems to have so little interest in rapping that I’m going to venture that this will never happen.

• Simon & Garfunkel: I don’t think so. Both are in their eighties and don’t seem to be on the best terms.

• R.E.M.: Despite Michael Stipe saying in 2021 that it would never happen, I’d still bet yes as there doesn’t seem to be a ton of animosity among the members.

• The White Stripes: Nope. Meg White hasn’t made a public appearance in years and seems to have little interest in releasing music.

• Destiny’s Child: Given that the group did a mini-reunion at Coachella, I think this will happen eventually, especially if Beyoncé’s fame ever falters. I know that seems unlikely, but she is only 42 and has a lot of life ahead of her.

• Eurythmics: Though Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart have done one-off reunions from time-to-time, my gut is telling me that they will never truly get back together.

Maybe in a couple years, I’ll come back to see how my predictions have fared. But it’s worth noting that even far-fetched reunions sometimes come to pass. In the early-1980s, Don Henley said that the Eagles would get back together “when hell freezes over.” Just over a decade later, the California rockers started making music again. Naturally, they gave their new live album the only name that made sense: Hell Freezes Over.

A New One
"Rendezvous" by Dhyan
2024 - Vibey R&B

One of my favorite things to do at my job is build little tools to try to find up-and-coming talent. A recent effort turned up Dhyan, a rising artist from the D.C.-area trying to make a splash in New York City. His latest single “Rendezvous” is a simple song, mostly built around a looping guitar and a bit of percussion. But the melody Dhyan crafts over that simplicity is enough to hypnotize you.

An Old One
"Romeo and Juliet" by Indigo Girls
1992 - Singer-Songwriter

Anytime I made a mixtape for someone in high school, I would inevitably add “Romeo and Juliet” by Dire Straits. In my mind, it was an ideal mixtape song. First, it was something that most of my peers wouldn’t be aware of. Second, it was impossible to hate. Beautiful arpeggiated guitar. A vivid story brought to life by a plainspoken vocal. Lyrics laced with humor and pain. You couldn’t get any better.

Then my dad showed me the cover by the Indigo Girls. Though it eschews some the subtle production elements of the original, the Atlanta duo’s raw acoustic rendition is powerful enough to make Dire Straits question their decisions.

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